Glamorganshire Golf Club

At that point we swiftly moved to the ninth tee where the challenge began.. After another deluge of photographs we were ready to tee off and with the time at 4.21 am the Captain led the way by smacking it straight into the trees on the left. The three of us then proceeded to drive. At this point I would like to thank our spotter as we managed to lose one ball completely and take what seemed an age to find the other two; and we had only had one shot each. I remember thinking this could be a bit of a long day.

Having finished the first hole in a pretty slow time things really picked up, and with Schumacher Adams and the Captain leading the way we completed the first ten holes in about an hour. We then completed the next round in very good time and were met back at the clubhouse by the Captain who had kindly managed to conjure up egg and bacon sandwiches from somewhere. We ate these on our travels and completed the next round in equally as good a time as the last, arriving back at the club house with the clock showing 08.50am. At this point we took our first break of the day and it was time for a pint and a shower.

Being all refreshed we began the third full round and were joined by our match captain Mr Nicholls who kindly spotted for us and cleared our path of any one in front to ensure we maintained good time. It makes you wonder where that unfounded nickname comes from (yer right). With more people now on the course we slowed down a bit but still made good time allowing for another Carling break.

At the start of the fourth round Phil Rattray and I noticed a marked change in Dave Ellis. I am sure he had done his hair and started taking practise swings; something that none of us had done since the first hole at 4.21am. Then we noticed that Julia his lover of the last year had arrived. Dave started lining putts up, checking for wind direction; and the sight of him in full swing with his big belly pulled in and his buttock muscles firmly clenched is something I will not forget for a long time.

Phil Rattray called in his brother Andrew as a caddie for the final round and it was nice to have our own sun blocker out there with us. After four holes we found ourselves behind a number of groups of ladies. To our surprise and pleasure they all stood aside and a number of them made donations to our cause which was gratefully received. We believe they had been pre-warned or it could be the sight of Dave’s clenched buttocks was enough. By now Dave was playing out of his skin and it should be noted that he scored 41 points on the final round. Off to clenching lessons for Phil and I. As we arrived onto the eighteenth tee for the sixth and final time I remember thinking I had forgotten to sky- plus the Eastenders omnibus episode.

On arrival back at the club house we were met by a number of people and it was pleasant to receive drinks from Roger Meacham via the Lady Captains bar card. We were then kindly hosted by the Captain while we all reflected on the day. Looking back now, the time spent with my playing partners and the money that has been raised for Latch, if I was asked would I do the same next year – no chance would be the reply.

With regard to the “guess the score competition” a total of 526 points was achieved on the day and the closest to that score was our Pro Andrew Kerr Smith – see, he does know something about golf.