This Website is intended for the use of anyone who happens to read it and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs and/or who may be ashamed of their golf game. Distribution or copying of this Website is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas – but don’t let that stop you, it never did before.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or even grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the preparation of this Website, although the Yorkshire terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you, your family, your closest friends (if any) and your pets. If you have dropped into the Website in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites to this Disclaimer, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
This Website is void where prohibited. There is no representation or warranty, express or implied, with respect to the completeness, accuracy, fitness for a particular purpose, or utility of this Website or any information or opinion contained herein. Actual mileage may vary. Prices slightly higher east of
Cardiff. All models used are over 18 years of age, with the exception of those that are not. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or events, past, present or future, is purely coincidental. This Website may not be construed as an endorsement of any product or company, nor as the adoption or promulgation of any guidelines, standards or recommendations. Some names have been changed to protect the “innocent” (Oh, yeah?). This Website is meant for educational purposes only. Some assembly may be required. Batteries (and children) not included. This Website has been posted by weight, not volume. Contents may have settled during shipment. No user-serviceable parts inside. Use only as directed. Do not eat. Not a toy.
Postage will be paid by addressee. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. One size fits all. Colours may, in time, fade. For office use only. Edited for television. Website was current at time of preparation. At participating locations only. Keep away from fire or flame. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitised for your protection. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of the dog. Limited time offer. No purchase necessary. Not recommended for persons under the age of 12, aged between 13 and 18, and for the over 18's. Prerecorded for this time zone but suitable for all. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this Website appear for identification purposes only. Freshest if read before date on carton. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery. The Glamorganshire Golf Club is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Slippery when wet. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. For recreational use only. No foreign coins. List each cheque or check separately by bank number. This Website is not an offer to sell securities.
Read this Website at your own risk. If in doubt, ask your doctor or pharmacist. Parental guidance advised. Always read the label. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment, or during sex. Do not stamp. Breaking the seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. This Website may contain non-milk fat. Date as postmark. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Read only in well-ventilated area. Price does not include taxes. Not for resale. Hand wash only. Keep away from sunlight. For a limited time only. No preservatives or additives. Keep away from pets and small children. Safety goggles may be required when reading. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate this Website. Please remain seated until the web page has come to a complete stop. Refrigerate after opening. Flammable. Must be 18 years or older. Seat backs and tray tables must be in the upright position. Repeat as necessary. Do not look directly into light. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. No salt, MSG, artificial colouring or flavouring added to this Website. Pregnant women, the elderly, fanatical golfers, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to this Website. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. May contain, be prepared by, and read by, nuts. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Do not read if safety seal is broken. Please put the toilet seat back down and wash your hands after reading.
Apply only to affected area. Take care reading this Website if you have high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, glaucoma, sexual difficulties, or pain during urination. May be too intense for some readers. In case of accidental ingestion, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control centre immediately. Many suitcases look alike. Post office will not deliver without postage. Not the Beatles. Websites are not authorized for use as critical components in life support devices or systems. Secretary/Manager does not carry cash. Do not puncture or incinerate. Do not play your headset at high volume. Discontinue use of this Website if any of the following occurs: itching, aching, vertigo, dizziness, ringing in your ears, vomiting, giddiness, aural or visual hallucinations, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, drowsiness, insomnia, piles, difficulties having sex, profuse sweating, shivering, or heart palpitations. However, do not resist sending cash donations to the Club. Video+ and Video- are at ECL voltage levels, HSYNC and VSYNC are at TTL voltage levels. It is a violation of international law to use this Website in a manner inconsistent with its labelling. Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the contents can be harmful or fatal. This Website has not been shown to cause cancer in laboratory rats. Do not use the AC adaptor provided with the player for other Websites.
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Warranty does not cover normal wear and tear, misuse, accident, lightning, flood, hail storm, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, avalanche, earthquake or tremor, hurricane, solar activity, meteorite strike, nearby supernova and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorised use, high golf scores (whatsoever the cause), divorce or marriage break-up, incorrect line voltage, unauthorised use, unauthorised repair, improper installation, typographical errors, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, microwave ovens or mobile phones, sonic boom vibrations, ionising radiation, reader adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the Website, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, riots or other civil unrest, acts of terrorism or war, whether declared or not, explosive devices or projectiles (which can include, but may not be limited to, arrows, crossbow bolts, air gun pellets, bullets, shot, cannon balls, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, ICBMs, or emissions of electromagnetic radiation such as radio waves, microwaves, infra-red radiation, visible light, UV, X-rays, alpha, beta and gamma rays, neutrons, neutrinos, positrons, N-rays, knives, stones, bricks, spit-wads, spears, javelins, golf clubs, golf balls, golf caddies, golf carts, golf gloves, playing partners etc.).
Other restrictions may apply. Breach of these conditions is likely to cause unquantifiable loss that may not be capable of remedy by the payment of damages, although you should give that a try first.
This disclaimer supersedes all previous disclaimers – and, should not be taken too seriously.